You would think making hard-boiled eggs is easy, but it can be tricky. And if you follow the slow-carb diet featured in the book “The Four-Hour Body,” you will eat a lot of hard-boiled eggs. To be honest with you I had never really eaten, or made, a lot of hard-boiled eggs before I read the book and started following the slow-carb eating plan, and was surprised and aggravated to find that it takes more than just plopping them into a pot of water and turning the flame on high.

The biggest problem I had with hard-boiled eggs was that the shell wasn’t coming off cleanly when I peeled them. The thin, paper-like skin between the shell and the egg wasn’t separating from the egg and big chunks of egg were coming off with the shell, and it was gross. Another problem was that the eggs were cracking during the boiling process, sometimes ruining the eggs.

If you are making a bunch of eggs and following the slow-carb diet, wasting eggs is the last thing you want to do. You also don’t want, or need, the hassle of peeling hard-boiled eggs.

So here’s what I do now.

I try to remember to take the eggs out of the refrigerator the night before so they are at room temperature when I put them in the water. One of my clients suggested adding baking soda into water, and this has seemingly helped. Another thing I do is run cold water over the eggs when they are done and crack the top and bottom of the egg, which lets the water get under the shell, and then cover the eggs with ice. A large cup of ice does the trick.

To make this whole process easier, I picked up a timer that goes into the pot with the eggs and turns color to indicate that the eggs are done. This way I don’t have to keep track of time.

If you are going to eat, and make, a lot of hard-boiled eggs following these simple steps can help you save a lot of time and effort, and avoid aggravation to boot.

The Holidays. The time of year when many people start to stress about eating. What should be an enjoyable experience has become a problems for far too many people. And there is no shortage of meddlesome butt-in-skis who want to tell everyone else how they should eat. Talk about your Scrooges! Bah humbug to all these types, I say.

My holiday eating guidelines are very simple; eat whatever you like at parties and family get-togethers. No rules, just right, to steal some company’s advertising slogan.

And please, if you are going to bake don’t embarrass yourself and insult your guests by following any of the depressing alternative, low-fat recipes. Nothing steams my onions more than biting into a brownie that’s been made with low-fat sour cream or some other egregious, ersatz ingredient. Try an experiment; make a plate of real brownies and another of low-fat brownies, label them accordingly and see what happens. You know what happens, admit it.

And Santa knows if you dishonestly substitute these odious ingredients into your baked goods, and will deliver a healthy lump of coal into your stocking if you do so. Even you non-gentiles.

I am on record as saying the Holidays are the wrong time, the worst time, to try and make a change to your eating habits, and that food avoidance is a losing philosophy for both the fit and unfit. I don’t care if it’s this time of year or the summertime cookout season, you shouldn’t try to make a change to your eating habits when the opportunities for great eating are plenty. Trying to prove that you have willpower by changing your diet during this time of year is foolhardy, and is like an alcoholic going to a liquor convention.

For all of the types who say to me, “But Sal, you don’t have to worry about what you eat, so it’s easy for you to say!” I say, “I take care of business for the vast majority of the year so I am going to eat, and eat a lot, of the seasonal stuff that I like.” And actually, I do have sympathy and rachmones for those folks who struggle with what they eat, which is why I advise NOT to try to make changes now. Wait ’til it gets a little easier. But at the same time, I’m not going to be a nutritional goody-two-shoes and not eat what I like because of what other people say or can’t eat.

Christmas cookies and pumpkin pie and eggnog and other holiday delicacies only come around once a year; enjoy them.

So if you are the New Year’s Resolution type, another tradition that I dislike, wait until January 1, 2012. Get it out of your system and enjoy the next month or so; eat, drink and be merry knowing that in 30 days you will be making changes.

Dr. Andrew Weil, the Complimentary and Alternative Medicine guru (CAM), published a blog post saying that yo-yo dieting is better than “staying fat.” I guess attaining superstar status in the world of CAM gives you the privilege of saying silly, and potentially harmful, things, while maintaining said stautus.

When you get beyond the headline, “Yo-Yo Dieting is Better Than Staying Fat,” read the blog post and get the details of the study Weil uses to bolster his position, you have to scratch your head. For a minute, let’s put aside the obvious, in that from the picture he uses on his blog, Dr.Weil looks kinda fat.

The study Weil refers to in his blog post involves 10 yo-yo dieting mice, who lived longer than 10 mice who ate a high-fat diet, and 10 mice who ate a low-fat diet. Really unimpressive, isn’t it? And yet Dr. Weil is totally comfortable concluding that the negative effects of yo-yo dieting might be over-stated based on the experience of 10 binging and purging mice.

Dr. Weil does not say anything about how these “mice pounds” relate to human pounds, or give any other indication as to why anyone should pay attention to the results of this study given the hard evidence from human studies that attest to the ineffectiveness of dieting and the damage diets do. Actually given Weil’s track record, you’d be hard pressed to find a more anti-science advocate.

Besides the apparent differences between mice and men, we have had results of studies and other evidence to indicate that in humans, yo-yo dieting can have negative ramifications. Using mice studies in a case where we have human evidence of an outcome, is questionable and curious. Almost as if someone wanted to prop up the fact-challenged diet industry. The diet industry already takes billions of dollars per year from us, so is it not hard to believe this cabal would try to distract from the reality that diets don’t work.

Now back to Dr.Weil’s appearance. Don’t you think someone who tells people they shouldn’t be fat, shouldn’t look fat? I never judge a person based on their appearance, and I do not use weight as a measure of fitness, or lack of it. But does Dr. Weil look like someone who should be advocating “thin is in?”

Over the past month the issue of the National Debt Ceiling has dominated the headlines, as our government has tried to come to grips with its profligate spending, the damage that’s been done to our economy and the country’s credit rating. As with pretty much everything it touches, the government has really screwed things up. So it’s scary that the powers-that-be have been making noises about the country’s obesity situation and are dropping not-to-subtle hints that the government is willing to play a major role in telling people what they can and cannot eat.

Is the establishment of a “National Fat Ceiling” in our future? I think this is a reasonable concern. We don’t want the government in our kitchens and pantries. It can’t figure out how to deliver mail, it can’t balance our national check book, it can’t figure out how to improve our educational system, it created more confusion with the ill-fated “Food Pyramid,” and the beat goes on.

There are few things that would be as invasive in our everyday lives as a National Fat Ceiling, where the government sets body-weight/body fat goals for us, dictates the amount and type of calories we can eat, and makes rules about how food must be prepared. Government bureaucrats surely have the same likelihood of being over-weight and under-exercised as members of the private sector.  Do these government busy-bodies have perfect diet and exercise habits? Doubtful.

Let’s do whatever we can to keep the government out of our kitchens. Even if there is a “crisis,” why would anyone think that the government could help make things better.  Seriously. It’s not like you’re being menaced on a dark street and a cop comes along to save the day. That’s different story.  We don’t need a (probably fat) government agents walking into our houses and slapping chocolate chip cookies out of our hands.

An ominous sign; the Harvard genius who says parents of obese kids should lose custody of their children. This is a scary dude. This is stuff that could have come from the eugenics sickos in Nazi Germany.

I don’t know what would be worse to have a government half-wit tell us how to eat or an Ivy League elite determine if parents can keep custody of their kids.

Over the past decade or so there has been an attempt to stop people from being judgmental. However, this courtesy doesn’t seem to be extended to those who are considered to be over-weight. The First Lady has embarked on a program that is stigmatizing young kids who are overweight, but it’s for their own good, right?

This is just a phony emergency that’s being used as an opportunity to increase the government’s overreach into our lives.

Can we stop this runaway train?

Look at her. What a fat pig. I am disgusted. Hurricane Irene is a big, fat pig. Just like almost everyone else in the country (if you believe public health officials), Hurricane Irene is overweight and as a result, will cost insurance companies and the tax payers way too much money to repair the damage she causes. Just like Americans, American hurricanes are getting too big, taking up too much space, consuming too many resources and costing us money to clean up the mess they leave behind. Just like fat people do, if you believe what the experts say. Experts who are all probably really thin and in perfect physical condition.

Meteorological experts have said that, “Just like people, they (storms) all have their own personalities. From the get-go, Irene was not a power storm. Her goal was to become wide, not internally powerful. Personified further, the storm became too big too quickly and it cannot master its own strength.” Her goal was “to become wide;” there you have it. Storms have personalities just like people, and Irene is like a glutton at the all-you-can-eat buffet bar. I picture Hurricane Irene to be quite comfortable sitting at the table with the Klumps from the Eddie Murphy movie, “The Nutty Professor,” fried chicken leg in one hand, a pile of sliced ham in the other, with a full plate of mashed potatoes, fries and gravy set in front of her. She’s spilling out of her adjustable-waistline jeans, and doesn’t care.

Please note that we are talking about 2011 Hurricane Irene, and not her 1999 sister (or would it be cousin?) that pounded and soaked Florida.

Americans’ consumptionist ways have now tainted Mother Nature’s creations. And despite the American economy’s troubles, our storms are still big, strong and powerful and getting larger. Just like Leon.

THIS JUST IN: Experts in the UK predict that half of the US will be obese by the year 2030!

As an aside, the reporting of this weather phenomenon is classic crisis mode nonsense, the kind of reporting that is used to cover every issue that hits the newswire. Obesity, crisis. Climate change, crisis. Hurricane, crisis AND catastrophe. Economy, crisis. Debt ceiling, crisis. If everything is a crisis, nothing is a crisis. When a real crisis comes, the masses will be unprepared because the media and our politicians are reactionary “Cry Wolf-ians.” But I digress…

And about the names of these storms, here’s a suggestion; how about using last names and naming the storms after famous fatties, both fictional and real? Why stigmatize the poor kids who have names like Irene and Katrina? It’s like the First Lady making fat kids a target as a result of her no-fat kids initiative. Rather than Hurricane Irene, why not Hurricane Sherman (or Mama) Klump or Hurricane Orson Wells or Hurricane Rex Ryan? Since Mississippi has been named as the fattest state, why not Hurricane Mississippi?

Nowadays it is clear that along with money, fatness is the root of all evil. (Note: The original saying from the New Testament is, “The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil,” but it’s been misquoted so often a new quote with a new meaning has been created. Just go with it.) So let’s further demonize fat. Let’s not be judgmental towards any person, place or thing unless they are successful money makers and/or fat. And what better way to make fat people feel really badly about themselves, bad enough to change, than to name horribly destructive natural phenomenon after other fat folks? But I digress, yet again…

The government really needs to do something about the growing size of these storms, design some kind of intervention like putting tropical depressions on a diet and exercise regimen so that they don’t become big, fat slobs of a storm like big, fat slob of a storm Irene. More veggies, more treadmill, less fried foods and of course no smoking or alcohol. Maybe former President Bill Clinton can counsel the tropical depressions and hurricanes since he has lost so much weight.

After all, the government has been so helpful to this point giving the public incredibly valuable information. For instance the governor of North Carolina told people to stay indoors, the governor of New Jersey told people to get off of the beach and the mayor of New York City telling people that staying in their homes and not evacuating is  crime. This is what we need these politicians for. What insight, what leadership! Who among us would think to stay indoors during a potential hurricane?

Ok, so here’s to hoping that fatso Hurricane Irene slims down before it does too much damage.

Like clockwork, every holiday, every year we get inundated with these “healthy eating tips,” from nosey, buttinsky do-gooders who want to ruin our fun. There are 365 days in a year and less than 10 real opportunities to enjoy holiday foods/parties, yet these no-fun allowed types can’t leave us alone.

These pieces all start out with some variation of this line, “Don’t let the upcoming holiday weekend derail your diet, blah, blah, blah…” and the writer provides us with a variety of ways to ruin the enjoyment we get from, in the case of the Fourth of July, going to a holiday barbecue.

The most odious of these “advice” pieces profess to help you “survive” the holiday cook-out, as if you are on patrol in Afghanistan. The nonsense is priceless. We’re given pearls of wisdom like, “use smaller plates,” “pace yourself and eat slowly,” “skip crackers, chips and bread,” and “be careful what you drink.” Then there is the always helpful reminder to eat the healthy foods available.

Really? At a barbecue? To these writers of this pap I say, “Kiss my a$$.”

Those of you who don’t have an issue with food will go to your parties and enjoy yourselves. For those of you who are on a perpetual diet and who have been made to feel badly about yourself, do not pick a holiday or party occasion to start your diet. Don’t view the Fourth of July barbecue as the time and place to try to make changes to your eating habits.

If you feel compelled to diet and embark on a routine of weight loss via food avoidance, start the day after the party, and use the next party as the reward for making changes. Don’t fall for the load of BS that a moment on the lips results in a lifetime on the hips.

Diets don’t work. Avoiding the foods you enjoy will not help you. Listening to the proponents of food avoidance will make you feel worse. There are ways to improve your eating habits, but following the advice found in these “healthy eating lists” is not the way to do it.

So let me get this straight. The old Food and Drug Administration Food Pyramid was confusing, and over the time it was in effect obesity rates (allegedly) increased, but the new MyPlate program will help people improve their eating habits? Who really believes this pap?

All the rah rah stories I’ve read with quotes from all kinds of experts singing the praise of this new graphic had me scratching my head. Frankly, I’m baffled how anyone thinks MyPlate is an improvement. The FDA provided quite specific information from the the old food pyramid (in all its iterations) and myriad other government nutritional programs; MyPlate looks like a pie chart you might find in an edition of USA Today. How is this going to help people?

Oh wait, that isn’t it. Here it is.

Remember, the government has had a monopoly with the US Postal Service for over 170-years and still can’t figure out how to mail letters and make a profit. But somehow some people think the government has the ability to “fix” this obesity problem, a problem that has exploded despite the government’s efforts to prevent it.

Actually, it is insulting to hear all the applause for this silly graphic plate. The FDA and the government should stop wasting our time and money.

And another thing, what’s with the lame rip-off of MySpace? MyPlate? Why not PlateBook? Or how about Platter? This is the perfect example of how government cannot be “cool.” It is “the establishment.” I don’t care who is in power. It doesn’t matter which party or what their philosophy is. It matters not if they have a great fashion style or cutting edge taste in music. Government isn’t cool. And it isn’t particularly smart, either.

Government is spectacularly bad at telling people what to eat or drink or smoke. The question shouldn’t be when will government finally succeed at this Sisyphusian task, but rather when will they resort to using their muscle and flat-out ban foods. The day will come when specific foods will be outlawed; sugar, salt, fat, red meat are all in the crosshairs. If you pay attention to the nutritional news it’s hard not to see the day when our favorite foods will be taken away from us.

But back to MyPlate. Here’s what all of the hoopla is all about, nutritional advice gems like these;
Balancing Calories
●Enjoy your food, but eat less.
●Avoid oversized portions.

Foods to Increase
●Make half your plate fruits and vegetables.
●Make at least half your grains whole grains.
●Switch to fat-free or low-fat (1%) milk.

Oh, please. MyPlate is vague, will confuse people and certainly will not make a dent in the obesity problem is supposedly addresses.

There’s been a story making the rounds about how Facebook founder and multi-billionaire Mark Zuckerberg is following a diet that involves him eating only meat that he kills himself. He doesn’t idolize Ted Nugent; it is his effort to gain a greater appreciation for the foods he eats. Zuckerberg says he’s eating healthier food, becoming more of a vegetarian and learning a lot about sustainable farming and raising animals.

Really, who gives a crap? And someone needs to friend Big Z and tell him that he isn’t a vegetarian if he eats meat occasionally. You aren’t more or less of a vegetarian, you either are or you aren’t. Kind of like being pregnant.

Zuckerberg has a great story. He’s made a fortune thanks to nobody but himself and serves as a great example of how people can still accomplish amazing things in America. But over the past year there have been a couple of stories about The Big Z that worry me.

First there was the news last spring that Zuckerberg was committing $100 million (you must say this with your Dr. Evil voice) to Newark, NJ’s failed school system, a school system that already spends about $22,000 per kid. He’d be better off throwing the money into the Hudson River, at least he’d see where it’s going. On a side note, if spending money on education like a drunken sailor and having exorbitantly high taxes were a successful formula, New Jersey would be the crown jewel of the United States. In case you don’t know, we ain’t. Anyway…

The Zuckerberg Diet story is the height of arrogance, conceit and any other negative adjective that you can come up with to describe the condition where the super rich and successful decide that they are going to show the rest of us little people how to live. Zuckerberg says that he’s killing his own meat because at a pig roast he had at his home guests talked about not wanting to think about the fact that the pig was alive at some point. He states that this attitude is irresponsible.

Most people are too busy deal with this kind of silly navel gazing and Zuckerberg and his cronies are out of touch; the vast majority of meat eaters have no problem dealing with the “this thing was once alive,” issue. When our society progressed to the point where we produced more food with less resources, do you think people wasted time wondering about the kind of life their liverwurst had before it was liverwurst? Doubtful. But I digress.

I wonder if Zuckerberg’s wealthy pals feel the same way about the gold and diamonds they wear; will they only sport jewelry with precious metals and stones that they themselves have mined with their callous-free mitts? After all, the working conditions of those who actually mine these materials are pretty harsh, and the plight of these workers is at least as bad as that of a soon-to-be-slaughtered pig.

Maybe the Silicon Valley movers and shakers can all grow and harvest the cotton and other natural materials needed to make their clothes. I’d really be impressed if Zuckerberg and his elitist cadre made their own toothpaste. And t-shirts with witty sayings on them.

If you read the story it’s clear that all Zuckerberg is doing is following the high-tech, high-wealth Silicon Valley crowd. People want to give him credit for being responsible when all he is doing is acting like one of the sheep he will kill for lamb chops, or mutton if it’s an older sheep. He also needs to know that he shouldn’t feel guilty about not having to be concerned where is next meal is coming from or how it’s being produced. He can be a responsible citizen without being a sap.

This movement is clearly not a well-thought out one. Well, not thought out for anyone who has to work and raise a family and worry about making ends meet. The reality is that we are not an agrarian society anymore and we do not need to devote a majority of our work force to producing food. Which is a good thing, because us regular folk don’t want to work on farms. Farm work sucks.

The dirty little secret that skulks in the shadows of the organic farming/sustainable farming movement is that a lot more man – and woman – power is needed to produce food this way. Not only don’t we have the people to do this, we don’t have the land. And even if we had the land, where would the labor come from?

Here’s a good bet, the rich who are currently “play farming” wouldn’t be at the top of the list of the new farm labor crowd.

My bet is that Zuckerberg and his pals would have commoners shifted to food production, while those at the top of the social and economic pyramid could feel good about themselves and appreciate their food more. This move to shift members of society to farming was a big plank in Pol Pot’s platform to reform Cambodia. That didn’t turn out so well, by the way. But at least we’d learn a lesson and feel more of a connection to what we eat.

So I hope Mark Z and his Silicon Valley buds are happy with themselves. I’m sure the animals they slay will be happier knowing that they will be eaten by people who really care about them.

In 1978 F. Paul Wilson wrote a short story titled, “Lipidleggin’” that at the time surely was considered crazy. Over 30 years later Wilson’s story is closer to reality than I’m sure the author ever thought would be possible.

“Lipidleggin’” tells the story of a small town grocer who deals in the real thing; butter and eggs. Wilson looked into the future and saw a day when the government would control what we eat; he saw the Food Police. In Wilson’s future-view real butter and eggs are illegal and selling the good stuff – not the garbage produced as a result of the “Lipid Laws” – will get you put in jail.

As Wilson’s story goes, “The National Health Insurance program found out that they were spending too much time taking care of people with diseases nobody was likely to cure for some time.” Since it was a “crisis” the president declared a state of emergency, Congress passed legislation because people clearly didn’t know how to take care of themselves and, as a result, were too much of a strain on the health care system.

For the “national interest,” and “for people’s own good,” the government rationed, then banned, foods that were high in cholesterol and saturated fats, then did away with tobacco and hard booze. Wilson also talks about the coming campaign against being overweight – bad health risk, you know – and a ban on clothing over a certain size.

Sound familiar?

Wilson’s “Lipidleggin’” reminds me of Hemmingway’s, “The Killers.” Simple dialog, simple story and a believable bad guy; in this case, the government. I don’t want to tell you any more, read the story for yourself.

If you don’t think this wind is blowing across the plains you haven’t been paying attention. Read “Lipidleggin’.“

During this time of year ridiculous holiday eating guidelines are published in just about every magazine and newspaper in the land and are featured on web sites and television news and information shows. My advice; totally ignore them.

The Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/New Year holidays are a time when you should enjoy all the special food and drink that make their annual appearance starting today. This is not the time to start a diet – there’s never a good time to diet – to stress about food or attempt to make major changes to your lifestyle. Rather than worry about what you’re going to eat at parties and family gatherings and fret over missing workouts, embrace the pumpkin pie, egg nog, stuffing and whatever food and drink you love and forget about the gym.

To be honest, if you’ve been lazy all year don’t compound your mistake and try to compensate by avoiding foods, dieting or starting an exercise program now.

Who wants to low-fat, low-sugar pumpkin pie? I eat about 6 pieces of pumpkin pie a year and I’m not going to waste time eating the ersatz stuff. If anyone tries to tell you that eating 4 or 5 pieces of pie – or any of the food you love – over a couple of day period is going to result in weight gain or have a negative effect on your health, tell them to shut the heck up. Also, ignore people who like to talk about how “good” they eat and have tips and rules about how to avoid eating “bad” foods.

There’s no such thing as bad food. People, on the other hand, now that’s a different story.

And about the gym. I’ll tell you, I cannot wait to take a break from working out and blow off the gym for a couple of extra days. We are like batteries. We need to be recharged regularly. When a battery runs low on juice you don’t keep using it, you replace it or recharge it. We can’t replace our batteries, so we have to recharge. The holiday season is a great time to back off from the gym and recharge. Take it from me, I’m a professional.

So when faced with the opportunity to spoon a pile of mashed potatoes and gravy on your plate, take it. If you have to choose between your aunt’s old school real sugar, butter and milk pumpkin pie and some no-fun relative’s “healthy” option, make your aunt happy and eat 2 pieces.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and start the holiday season on the right foot.