The Ramble: The Sex is Good For You Edition

Recently there’s been great news for all of you randy guys out there, in that we’ve seen research that indicates sex is good for you in a whole bunch of ways.  These aren’t urban legends, or exercises in wishful thinking by male-based research apparatus, this is all stuff I read about on AOL Health and took notes on (for obvious reasons!).

Sex Three Times Per Week.  This isn’t some kind of chauvinistic demand, but a recommendation.  Queens University in Belfast Ireland found that sex three or more times per week reduces the risk of heart attack and strokes by 50%.  That’s great news, isn’t it?  There were no specifics into what kind of sex, but why quibble?

“You Have a Headache Honey?  Good!”  There’s reason to believe that sex can help to alleviate symptoms of headaches.  So all these years this wasn’t an excuse, but a cry for help!  Guys, we have a lot of time to make up for.

Treadmill, Schmedmill.  Thirty minutes of rolling in the hay, knocking boots, bumping uglies, etc., burns 200 calories.  For all of you types obsessed with burning calories to offset eating a desert, here’s the perfect way to keep things in balance.  Eat an Oreo, have some sex, eat a Mallowmar, have some more sex.

Fight the Common Cold, Have Sex!  According to some other researcher-types, sex 2 times per week can have a positive effect on your immune system.  So forget the apple a day advice and start horizontal boppin’ to keep the doctor away.  I’m no math whiz, but am I right when I say that sex 5 times per week should help your ticker and keep you from catching a cold?  That’s some medical advice that I can get excited about.

Regulate Your Flow.  Regular sex doesn’t just help the guys, as there’s some indication that women who consistently have sex once per week experience a more regular menstrual cycle.  I hope I’m not speaking out of turn here, but I think this is also something that most men will benefit from as well.

Sex is Pain Relief.  The post-sex endorphin release, specifically oxylocin, alleviates pain from arthritis and menstrual cramps.  And we all know that sleep is much better after. Which reminds me, I have to tell my wife that my old football injury is really flaring up and I’m worried that my insomnia will be a problem.

Have Sex, Live Longer.  Not only is this a great saying for t-shirts, bumper stickers, coffee mugs and refrigerator magnets, but also it’s really true.  Apparently, regular sex helps the body in specific and general ways, all of which contribute to longevity.  Hey, don’t ask me specifics, but it sounds good to me.

Well folks, there you have it, a boatload of really good reasons to make sure you have lots of sex in your life. In case you lost track of all the specifics, by my calculations, everyone should be having sex at least 12 times per week.  Just kidding, but not too much.  Let’s get to work so we can minimize all the nasty problems caused by strokes, heart attacks, headaches, arthritis, menstrual cramps and irregular menstrual cycles and the common cold, and be able to burn more calories and fight off Father Time, all at once.

Sounds good to me.

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